HERE FOR GRACE

When a loved one passes and the initial shock sets in (and it is shock whether they have been sick and suffering for years or they go suddenly); one of the most difficult realities we face is the understanding that we will never see that person again - not in this life - not in this world. How can that be? How absurd and cruel and mysterious is this factor of death? The comfort that I have found and that I wish for you,  is that my loved ones have visited me in my dreams. There was a delay and I don't  know if it was because their souls had to set somewhere beautiful and mystical or if it was my own subconscious protecting me and allowing a period of mourning. What I do know is that having them visit me in my dreams has always felt very real and so I choose to believe that it is so.  Beyond shock, disbelief, unfairness and so much pain; these visits will help heal, comfort and assure you that you are not alone and that their souls will travel with you throughout your life and until

We all have one. It’s someone you loved (whether or not they loved you back), still love and think of often. You carry them around with you everywhere and all throughout your life. You wonder if you will run into them at some obscure time for one intense moment and if you did, you wonder what you would say. You remember their face so clearly that you can see it whenever you search the back of your mind. Your life goes on and you share it with another and all of its complexities keep you busy and running but on a dark night while driving home or on a sleepy Sunday while hanging out on the couch; the memory of them seeps out from your pores and it brings all of the regrets, frustration, pain and happiness back in one mighty swoop. Sometimes you consider looking them up – finding them – calling them and seeing if you can be friends. You imagine yourself showing up on their doorstep and everything being okay and embracing in a warm hug. Other times you hope you never see them again because

  Dogs are incredible souls. They are gifts. We don’t have them for long but while we do have them they bless and enrich our lives. They love us from the time we bring them home until the light leaves their eyes and we become so accustomed to having them around that without them our lives become silent and empty.                                                     Dogs don’t care if you are fat or skinny, old or young, having a really bad hair day or if you are rich or poor. They just love you. They miss you the second you leave the house and they are there to greet you the second you open the door. They think that the greatest thing in the whole wide world (aside from their kong) is spending time with you. They are funny not knowing they are funny and not meaning to be funny. They each have their own unique personalities and traits. Some like to eat your socks, others your shoes, some bark, some talk and others hump the couch but it seems no matter what they do or destroy, your love f

Have you ever returned to the home of a loved one after they have passed? To the room they most enjoyed? The study, the kitchen, the bedroom, the garden? When you return to the stillness, the silence, you find yourself looking for them. You search the place from bottom to top, hoping for another chance to see them, hear their voice, touch them, laugh with them. There's a hat or jacket or blanket or pen or book or laptop that they last touched.  Their scent is still in the air. Something left undone, lingers on a desk or kitchen table. They are nowhere to be found, yet, still, you remain seated, as if waiting for a play or show to begin. You ask yourself the same questions that have been asked for ages, for all of time, where has my friend/parent/lover gone? Will I ever see them again? Do they know I love them? What was the last thing I said to them? What was the last thing they said to me? And it goes on and on. There is something comforting about visiting a place that was sacred t

  When you reach your 50’s, you have found and accepted your seat at the table. You have learned to move on from people and experiences that have caused pain and have torn a piece from the thread of your soul. Instead, you value and love those who have stuck by you, loyal and true. Moving on is a survival skill like making fire, building a shelter, and finding water. No one teaches you how to move on after a break-up, a death or some unforeseen tragedy. The thing is that when you don’t move on, you remain stuck in the middle where there is no beginning and no end. There, you obsess over the same thoughts with an aching head and broken heart. We all need to know how to move on. I do. You do. Because there is nothing in the stillness and while you wait there,  Someone Somewhere Is moving on from you.